Victoria's Garden of life

Trial's of Life

2003-08-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

So they never saw me taking the pot. everyone(all 9 of us) were handcuffed on the floor while they were searching
the house. There was a cochroach crawling on the ceiling and one of them said "Hey, there's you a roach but you'll
have to catch it first." Wise guy ! ! ! Everyone went to jail and I went to the Gardener House. (Juvenile Home) I was
13.

Trial's of Life

2003-08-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Well I have already lost 3 or 4 blogs trying to get it down. I hope I don't lose this one too ! We'll see if I can do it
right this time. After my 13th birthday is when I started really being out of control. I never listened to anything
mama had to say to me. She was usually trying to tell me what I could or could not do. I was pretty determined
to do what I wanted to do anyway no matter what she said. Well the day we moved into this north austin house
is when I met a lot of the friends that I started hanging out with. Some of them even helped us move. They were
hanging out in the park and just came over and asked if we needed any help. That was the start of my friendship
with the "NORTH AUSTIN GANG" known as the "N.A.G."by the police. We were not like the gangs you see today.
I mean we didn't go around shooting anyone or anything like that. We just had some good clean fun. Like
climbing the fence at the swimming pool at night in the park and go swimming, cruise the rich neighborhoods
around 2 or 3 in the morning. We use to pick up empty trash cans,haul ass down the street slam on the brakes
throw the trash can down and watch all the lights on the block come on. We use to think that was so funny and
we would just laugh and laugh. We wouldn't even be high on anything. Good clean fun ! ! ! Then I started
doing a lot of different kind of drugs. Mostly we did acid. To those who are not familiar with acid , it is a hallucinogen.
It made you see things like the walls breathing, blood running off tied dyed sheets and stuff like that. Acid with
names like : ORANGE SUNSHINE, ORANGE BARRELS,PURPLE MICRO DOT,PURPLE HAZE,CLEARLITE, WINDOW
PAYNE, 4-WAY and many more. I was going to school everyday high on it for a long time.I have had at least 10
boyfriends in my 12th year. Now my first boyfriend was upset because he didn't get my cherry. Then I had
to tell him about my brother molesting me when I was so young. When I got to my 2nd boyfriend who was much
larger than my 1st He did pop my cherry. I was really confused about this. It wasn't for another 30 yr.s
before I would figure out this phenomenon. Anyway after my 13th birthday I had met and pretty much stuck
with this one boyfriend named Donney. Now I worshipped the ground he walked on. Even though I caught
him cheating on me more than once.Once he even gave me V.D. (Gonorrhea), but we still stayed together.
It was definatly a love,hate,off again on again type relationship.But I think we had a lot of fun anyway. I was
with him and 7 other people the 1st time I was busted by the law. I was already so high when the cops were
taking pictures of everyone smoking that I would always pass it up when it got to me.

Trial's Of Life

2003-08-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

We had moved from the "Confederate Home Grounds" (Cheap Housing for the State
employee's) to the north side of town, Right across the street from a park called
"Ramsey Park"! Wow, this was so cool. It had a swimming pool, tennis courts, swings,
seesaws,a recreation facillity and a water fountain. I would spend a lot of time there
in the upcoming days and years. Now I was already 2 weeks into 7th grade when we
moved and I transferred to a north austin school. There I started liking this guy named
Sammy. I had a crush on him that's for sure. After I started 7th grade , my so called
sheltered life took a huge turn. I started losing what innocence I had left. I was 12.
All my friends smoked and I wanted to also so I could look cool and grown up. "Stupid
huh" ? Anyway Sammy would walk me home from school and teach me how to inhale
a cigerette. I use to go in the bathroom after swiping one of mom's cig.s and blow the
smoke out of the bathroom screen window. It had this little hole in the screen by the
latch on the inside of it and I would poke my butt out that little hole when I was
through. Now the driveway was right there on the side of the house where that
window was. That's how I got busted for smoking cigerettes by mama. She smoked
Salem Menthal , so it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why there was a huge
pile of white cigerette butts on the ground directly under the bathroom window. If
I would have been smart I would have flushed the butts down the toilet, but smart
never was one of my strongest suits. She had thought my brother Herman had been
taking her smokes as to why she was so short on the pack all the time. She started
hiding them from me after that to no avail because I would always find them.

Trial's Of Life

2003-08-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

That year (1964) xmas. time, Santa Clause had brought me on of those walking dolls that
was almost as tall as I was. I remember thinking that was the neatest thing. Anyway one
day when dad came home from one of his truck driving trips, he came through my room and
spotted my walking doll in my old playpen where I kept all my toys. She was naked of course
as most all kids tend to strip their dolls at one time or another. It was not the nakedness that
he noticed,It was the penis I had drawn on it. I even drew the head and pee hole on it too!
Daddy asked me what that was, and I replied that it was a weenie. You know the kind you
eat. I even rolled up my fist and pretended to take a bite out of it , like it was some kind of
hotdog or something. Well "ALL HELL" broke loose again.This time it was a lot worse because
daddy left mama that day. That's the day I started learning what the word "HATE" meant.
I felt like it was my fault that daddy left . I also blamed Herman too. I started hating him
that day. Herman and I shared the same mom not dad. Anyway, daddy had filed charges
against mama for being an unfit mother. Probably some other charge too concerning
Herman no doubt. But I was so young then and didn't understand much of anything. And
of course nobody talked about it. Nobody ever talked about anything that was bad back
then. Things might have been alot different then. That was then and this is now. Herman
was sent to this place called the "BROTHERHOOD". I remember because it was painted
real big on the front of the bldg. I don't know if the court sent him there or if mama did.
Anyway he was back home by the time I started 3rd grade. He was always there. Mom
and dad fought for custody of me until I was in 5th grade and mama won. The only reason
being because they made me go into the courtroom and tell the judge who I wanted to
live with. This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my whole life. My mom and dad
were both in there looking at me when the judge asked me who I wanted to live with.
I didn't want to choose! ! ! I wanted both my mama and my daddy. But I had to pick.
Crying , I chose my mama. I will never forget the way my daddy looked at me that very
moment. He had fought so hard to get me And I let him down so bad. I didn't see much
of my dad after that. My "HATE" grew more. I could never bring my friends home to play
with me because Herman would always try to mess with them. I didn't have a whole lot
of friends anyway. I pretty much stayed to myself. Herman was hard of hearing and he
talked funny. People could not understand what he was saying sometimes, but I didn't
have a problem at all. I grew up around him so I pretty much could understand everything
he would say. He was "NOT RETARDED" ! He knew "RIGHT FROM WRONG" ! His sickness
(if that's what you call it) just consumed him. Mama worked 24 or 25 years for the "State
Hospital" before she retired. She had worked on the top floor of the men's ward. Mom
and I use to make up these fruit baskets at Xmas time and pass them out. That really
made me feel pretty good. So I knew what (mentally ill or retarded) was like and Herman
did not fit that catagory. It always made me feel really good anytime just mom and I did
anything together. We never got to do much because she worked all the time. So I cherished
the times we did have. I started believing that mama loved Herman more than she loved
me. I also have another 1/2 brother (same mama) who is 16 years older than I. I love him
with all my heart. He is my "BUBBA"! He left home I think not long after I was born. I don't
know exactly when but I know I never remember him living with us. I think I was a
mistake when I came along. I reached the turning point of my life when I started 7th
grade. I turned to " DRUGS,SEX & ROCKnROLL" literally ! ! !And my "HATE GREW" ! It
showed in my character as a young teenager. And the "HATE" kept growing !

Trial's Of Life

2003-08-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

Other than not liking "IT", I didn't want my brother ( who was 12 years older than I ) to mess
with me. Everytime I would protest and tell him I didn't want to, he would always tell me
"Shhhhhhh,Vic come on"! I was in 2nd grade then in 1964. I would be 8 at the end of the year
in Dec.

2003-08-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Victoria (Vicki) by my friends. I really felt a need to write about my story
I guess to anyone who will listen. I am 46 years old almost 47 at the end of the year. Last
Thurs. 7-31-03 my 1/2 brother was convicted for molesting his grand-daughter in 1999.
This is good ! He got 40yr.s for aggravated sexual assault of a child, 20yr.s for indecency
with a child by contact & 10yr.s for indecency with a child by exposure. 70 years total. He
has to do a full 20 years before he will come up for parole. He will be 59 at the end of this
year. I know he will die in prison. This should have happened a long,long time ago. I am
only sorry that it didn't. You know how you always say "If I would have only done this or
that, this would have never happened"? Well that's how I feel . After the jury found him
guilty the defense attorney decided not to let the jury decide the sentencing part, so they
were dismissed. It had taken them all day long Wed. to deliberate without a verdict, so the
judge sent them home. The next morning at 10am they found him guilty. I guess they were
having a hard time figuring it out. Before they left though the Assistant D.A. told them
about 5 victim's dating back over 40 yr.s were coming forward to testify of abuse they had
suffered from him so many years ago. The jury decided to stay and sat at the back of the
courtroom. I think they wanted to be sure about the decision they made. One of these 5
victims was his own daughter. Sick huh ? Anyway this is where my story comes in. As
far back as I can remember in my childhood I also was abused by my brother. I can't
even tell you when it began. Herman is 12 years older than I , so there was a bit of
difference in our age. My first memory goes back to before I was in (1st grade 1963)
I remember my mom and dad were gone and Herman was left in charge. I think I was
asleep when they left. I will not go into detail about what went on , but I will tell you
about when mom and dad came home. I was in his room when we heard them come
home. He was holding me up and swung me out his door. Just at that moment mom and
dad were coming through the front door. I remember being so scared at that moment.
Dad was immediatly looking for me and made a straight line for Herman's room. Now
we never had much money, so you didn't have to go far to go from point A to B. I didn't
know what to do, so I acted like I was just fixing to go into Herman's room. Daddy asked
me what I was doing but before I could answer he hits the door open. Herman had just
got his pants pulled up and was trying to Zip them up when daddy burst in. Daddy
swatted me on the butt real hard and grabbed me up and threw me on the couch in
the living room. All "HELL" broke loose then. He beat the "HOLY CRAP" out of Herman
and mama got it too. That's all I remember from that night. My next memory was still
before 1st grade when Herman was working on his bike in the front yard with his best
friend Billy. I was playing with my dolls in the front yard as well. Then Billy,after talking
with my brother came over and got me and put me on his shoulders. Off we went across
the road to this baseball park that had an overgrown field next to it. In the field he laid
me down on my stomache and as he did I had grabbed one of those real tall sunflowers
and pulled it down with me. He had his way with me, I know because I could hear him
undoing his pants. All I could do was concentrate on the sunflower that was in my hands.
Billy was "Red Headed" and I to this day hate red headed men. "SORRY GUYS, NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU" ! That's just the way it is. My dad was a truck driver. He moved
people from State to State. So he wasn't home much except maybe a week out of a
month. I "REALLY LOVED" my daddy so much. I was "DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL" ! He taught
me how to color and stay in the lines, how to ride a bike, take me riding in his big diesel
truck. But the most fun we use to have together was when we fished. He taught me how
to do that as well. It was not an easy job either. I use to get so excited when I caught
a fish that I would jerk it up out of the water so hard that the fish would go flying over
my head and be dead as soon as it hit the ground. Sometimes daddy and I would stay
out all night on the colorado river catching catfish. Those are my good memories of being
a little kid. I am really thankful to "GOD" that at least I have those. The abuse went on.
When daddy was gone I slept with my mama and when he was home I slept in a baby
bed. I use to stretch my arm through the rails and make mama hold my hand. And she
did until I went to sleep. I remember feeling so safe when she held my hand and I could
go to sleep. You see, my "BOOGIE MAN" was "REAL" because it was Herman. When I
was in 2nd grade, I had my own room (THE DINING ROOM) with a real bed. It was a twin
bed that came up about 4 feet from the floor. Herman had 2 doors to his room and at
night he would come and get me and take me back to his room.